Many people often go to college after high school with big dreams and visions of becoming leaders only to graduate and find that their first job is a series of mundane tasks. Without real guidance or visibility to show me what a leadership role really looked like and contributed to a company, I also struggled a bit to find my place early on. I had to learn on the fly by dealing with great and not-so-great bosses, but I also found myself going back to my roots to ground me in who I was and where I came from.
As a result, my journey went something like this:
Foundation on the farm
My leadership journey started with me carrying milk on a farm. I grew up on a 200-acre farm with cows, pigs, ducks, geese, and chickens. At nine years old, I was the oldest of three kids, so my father turned to me when he needed help. Most times, I’d carry milk for him in the barn. When two people have nothing else to do but milk cows and carry the buckets, they end up talking a lot, and I learned a great deal in the process.
From my days of carrying milk with him to the end of his life, my father taught me a lot about leadership. He always said that if he couldn't make a living on 200 acres, it was time to throw in the towel. He had a really strong work ethic, and I grew up watching him do what he did on his own terms. Whenever I took on more than I could handle, he taught me the importance of taking turns with others and sharing responsibilities. Now, as a leader, I know that one person can only do so much on their own, and that’s OK.
Learning to build relationships and trust
The farm world is the foundation of who I am, how I build relationships, and how I became a leader. An early job of mine was at a cable company in 2001, and Verizon had just launched their Fios fiber-optic network. With my background, I knew rural areas needed high-speed broadband, so I initiated a dialogue with providers across Minnesota to learn their problems and find solutions. Simply picking up the phone to talk to one another strengthened our relationships and made our jobs easier.
Strong relationships also come from making connections. The first gigabit broadband service in the country was a telephone company in Missouri, but it was such a tiny operation that the general manager position was a half-time job. I called a few times, but he was always busy corn detasseling, a process I myself had learned growing up on the farm. When I was finally able to get through on the phone, I used that knowledge to create a relationship and develop trust, and through that came genuine dialogue that solved problems.
Dealing with hardships
My biggest obstacle was going through my divorce. Not to overgeneralize, but most men I see in leadership positions have long-term marriages to amazing women, while so many women leaders are divorced. While I know this does not apply to every woman, the trend means that even when something painful happens, like divorce, it should be viewed as just another part of the journey.
The journey can often be full of hurt, and it's OK to accept support to overcome those obstacles. I remember feeling that I had failed my children and let my parents down. But, that couldn’t have been further from the truth. Now, I can regard this difficult time in my life without any pain, but without my team filling in the spaces I wasn’t able to fill while I was going through the hardest parts, I could have let everything collapse. Being surrounded by people who provided that extra support helped me recover faster rather than stagnating or going backward. This just shows that a good support network will help you get through any obstacle.
Living on your own terms
At 75 years old, my father thought he was coming close to the end of his life. After more than a decade of severe arthritis, neuropathy, congestive heart failure, and diabetes, the pain was difficult. He told me that it would be up to me to move my mother off the farm and into town when he was gone. Now it was time for me to apply the leadership skills I’d learned from my dad. I told him that he should do it himself and as soon as possible while he was still able, so they could do this on his terms instead of waiting for Mom to go without him on mine. Six months later, they were both living together in town, in a beautiful new home they designed without steps and with the ability to get around easily. And they lived there for another five wonderful years.
Allowing yourself and others to live on their own terms leads to more meaningful and genuine relationships. A 60-year-old man who used to work for me called the other day just to tell me I was the best boss he’d ever had – I hadn’t spoken to him in over 25 years. Curious, I asked why, and he said that I never got in his way, but I never let him hang himself either. Be supportive of others, but just as you want to be able to live life on your terms, let them live on theirs.
Enjoy the highs and lows
A journey is just that – a journey. You learn as you go and apply those lessons moving forward. I often describe it as a seesaw with many ups and downs, but you should always do your best to be confident in your next step and have faith that you can figure it out as you go. The journey is going to be bumpy, but a seesaw is only fun because of these highs and lows. If you look back at your own leadership journey, you’ll find that every up and every down were critical points on the path you took to get where you are now – and I guarantee you’ll be thankful for each of them.
